Sharing Tragedies

For Sharon.....

The hardest after affects about losing a child, would have to be the question ...
"How many children do you have" How does one answer that question??????

A) you answer honestly.... then go through the questions of ages and names......then have to sit through the whole what happened, when, and then that awkward silence, where they now do not know what to say to you..

Or


B) you talk about only your remaining children and then feel guilty about not including your angel.... you beat yourself up because you are not sure if you handled the situation in the best way.

I hope you dont mind me posting about this Sharon.

Sharon lost her little girl last year. Sharon is a beautiful Mummy I went to school with. And I only found out tonight about her daughter.

Sharing with other strangers who have lost a child, I found, was easier than talking to friends who were still suffering their own pain.

How does one act when a friend of theirs loses a child.....

From my experience... there were 2 ways...

Very close friends, cried with you, bought over every photo they had of your little one in case you didnt have a copy of it. They went and made you a coffee instead of waiting for you to offer one to them. They would know you didnt need to talk but just needed a comforting arm around your shoulder.

Other friends, thought you needed space, and have gradually removed themselves from your life, Yes they do occasionally call, but they are too frightened to use your childs name, "She who must not be named"

I found such support from a group called "The Compassionate Friends". Each and every member has lost a child... they also offer a support for siblings.

The Credo....
We are The Compassionate Friends. We reach out to each other with love, with understanding and with hope. Our children have died at all ages and from many different causes, but our love for our children unites us. Your pain becomes my pain just as your hope becomes my hope. We come together from all walks of life, from many different circumstances. We are a unique family because we represent many races and creeds.We are young, and we are old. Some of us are far along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and so intensely painful that we feel helpless and see no hope. Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength; some of us are struggling to find answers. Some of us are angry, filled with guilt or in deep depression; others radiate an inner peace. But whatever pain we bring to this gathering of The Compassionate Friends, it is pain we will share just as we share with each other our love for our children. We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for ourselves, but we are committed to building a future together as we reach out to each other in love and share the pain as well as the joy, share the anger as well as the peace, share the faith as well as the doubts and help each other to grieve as well as to grow.

We need not walk alone,
We are The Compassionate Friends.



Sharon, It breaks my heart to know that you have been through and are going through the pain that I once felt and had to deal with.
It breaks my heart to know you are going to have good days and bad days, for years and years to come.
But remember, there are people who know what you are going through. What you will go through in the future....You will never forget how your little one smiled cheekily at you,you will never forget the smell of her hair, the way she would put her arms around your neck when she cuddled you.You will never forget that favourite nursury rhyme or story or song she adored. On good days, you will smell her smell/ remember that smile/ gaze into her photo and remember the love and fuzzy feelings she gave you and know she is still there with you. She always will be. You can not forget one who was a part of your family, your life, your heart.